I've been staring at the cursor pulsing on my screen for a good few minutes now, it's funny but I'm pretty sure it's lined up with my heartbeat.
I'm feeling, over this last couple of days that I've not really had much in the way of frustrations to deal with so I'll be honest: I've been struggling to write. It's not that I want all these trials and tribulations, but the title of this series is after all, Forty Days Of Patience and I don't want my readers sitting there thinking, wow, this is shite.
Then just this evening as I was checking the time on my iphone, it slipped out of my hand and landed face down on the hard concrete floor. I knew straight away it had shattered from the sort of dull popping sound it made on impact.
My initial reaction was excitement, how WEIRD is that!? Has my brain somehow rewired itself since going to the Cathedral on Sunday? I said to my other half on the way back that day, I felt a bit different, a bit lighter, open, all strange and out of the ordinary traits measured against my usual sunny disposition (ahem).
Why was I excited that my phone had shattered? At that point I didn't even know if it was still working. Well, I wanted to see what kind of shape the glass shards had taken, I thought it might look pretty cool. I should have been fuming, that phone is the link to my business while I'm out and about, emails, social media, all that stuff, possibly gone.
You know I think I may have even let out a small ooops snigger as it dropped. But why am I so ok with this? How come my car doors being iced shut this morning didn't even break a swear, how come I just sat and waited patiently when the binmen came just as I was about to reverse out of the carpark and I had to wait for three whole minutes?
Two options, one, stupid girlish hormones. I have about 2 days a month when I feel marginally great emotions wise (that's a mere 24 days a year, take note boys, this is what we're dealing with here). But that happened last Tues/Weds so, there's the other option. I can't even word what that is, but if you've felt it then you'll know. If you've been on this journey then you'll know and believe me, I sincerely regret using the word journey there so sorry about that!
What I can describe is, if you'll humour me for a moment. Two magnets. At the moment they're facing the wrong way, accept one is angling slightly so there's a pull and a push at the same time. At some point soon one will flip fully and they we be stuck, whole, one big fat strong magnet, and you can't pull it apart again.
I'm not saying I've conquered the whole patience thing, there's 31 days to go, but I've certainly surprised myself so far.
Rating ~ Magneto